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Dating

Ask The Expert – Questions Asked By You!

It’s that time of the month again where we give you, our members a chance to ask the awkward questions you want the answers to.

Last month we brought you photo tips and advice and prompted you to send us questions about confidence and how to boost it. We were inundated with some really great questions, but unfortunately we can only answer a few per email, meaning we picked the most common questions and brought you what we thought were the best answers. Next month’s topic is Dates, including the do’s and don’ts, what to say, what not to say, etc… so if you’ve got any questions about dates, be it your first, second or maybe even third date, we’re here to offer our advice.7b2845851b6c520de7b7092dacde09c4_original

Remember to send your questions to asktheexpert@expertdating.co.uk and we’ll do our best to answer them in next month’s edition.

HOW DO YOU ASK SOMEONE OUT ON A DATE?

Asking someone out on a date is always daunting, and unless there is a clear spark there, is very rarely easy. But there are a couple of simple things to remember which should make it a little easier.4ff98e43ccee0c2a5945fd6bbc795840_original

1. Prepare yourself for rejection: No one likes to be told no, but it’s a fact of life and something we have to take in our stride and accept we aren’t going to get what we want. This is no more relevant than when asking someone out on a date. By preparing yourself for the worst, you are already getting over the biggest hurdle and in return, getting over your worries which bring on a lack of confidence and affect performance.

2. Avoid straight forward questions: Unless you’re 100% sure the answer is going to be ‘Yes’ avoid asking outright “will you go out with me” as this often leads to a short and simple “No!”, knocking your confidence and leaving you with nothing else to come back with. Try making it less formal whilst leaving options. “Hey, I’d really like to get together sometime and do something with you”. Not only does this open a conversation of the whats, wheres and whens, but it also reduces the possibilities for the other party to simply knock you back.

3. Know when to give up: It should be pretty clear from the outset as to whether the other party is interested in a date or not. If after following the steps above, and you’ve suggested a couple of dates and you’re still getting short, one-word answers of “Not Free”, “I’m busy that day” and “sorry, I can’t make it”.

It’s now time to cut your losses and give up as each rejection is just going to knock your confidence more and more, making it even harder for the next time as well as making you look more and more desperate. Know when to give up and move on.

Why not log in now, follow these short and simple steps and find someone to take out on a date now.

HOW TO ASK IF SEX IS IMPORTANT?

To some people sex is a big part of an intimate relationship whereas to others, it’s not important in the slightest. Some people find this a hard subject to raise due to sex being looked upon as a taboo matter. However, the best way to approach this is to be straight forward and honest.

There isn’t an easy way to bring it up, nor is it a good idea to speak in code. Be open, be honest and ask. Afterall, if the person is right for you, they will understand and the conversation will flow, if it doesn’t then maybe you’ve not found your perfect match.

WHAT IS AN ACCEPTABLE AGE GAP?

Permitting both parties are within the legal age of consent, there is no rule on age difference, it is simply down to the people involved and whether or not you feel comfortable with the difference in age between the two of you. No matter how comfortable you feel together in the quiet of the home, if you feel uncomfortable outside in public with the other person because of the age difference, then it’s not right for you.
If you both share common interests, and there is a spark there, then there is nothing wrong with an age gap.

Now you have the answers, it’s time to act on them. And don’t forget, there’s nothing to it, it’s simply a case of being confident… try it – it could be the key to your new online dating success.

Next month we’re looking at dates where we’ll cover where to go, what not to do, things to wear, and overall coaching tips.

So email your questions to asktheexpert@expertdating.co.uk and we’ll publish the best ones, along with answers from our very own experts in next month’s email.

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Pulling tips

How to Turn a Bad Date Around

Online dating is great in that it allows you to make your first impression online minus any awkward silences, stutters and fake laughs; you can put your charm and wit across with the aid of spell check, Photoshop and the help of the Internet (not that you’re cheating, of course). However, at some you’re going to want to take things offline. So what happens when you find yourself face to face with that person you virtually ‘clicked’ with but things aren’t going according to plan?

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Read on to find You’ve Pulled’s tips for turning a bad first date around.

Lack of chemistry: Good email ‘banter’ does not necessarily mean good chemistry, so try not to get too carried away with one person before meeting with them. Likewise, if the chemistry isn’t there on the date don’t be disheartened – it could just be down to first date nerves. You’re not going to have instant chemistry with everyone you meet so forget about your expectations, decide to have fun on the date and just see where things go.

Slow conversation: There’s nothing worse than being on a date with someone who is boring. Whilst they may have seemed interesting and charismatic online, now that you’re sat opposite them they are displaying the same level of personality as a wet lettuce leaf. For those situations have a couple of back-up questions like, ‘what three people, dead or alive, would you invite to a dinner party’ and ‘what three things would you take to a dessert island’. These questions are real ice-breakers and a good way to get to know a little more about each other in a fun way.

They don’t look like their picture: There’s always a risk with online dating that the person you’re meeting won’t look like their picture; they may have used an old photo or they may have used their only ‘good angle’. So what if you fancy the pants of the person in the photo but they turn up carrying a few extra pounds and sporting a set of teeth you didn’t see behind the Kodak smile? Looks aside, you’re still on a date with the same person you were getting along with just great online. So instead of doing a runner based on appearance, sit the date out and see if your personalities click.

Your date is rude: There’s nothing sexy about rudeness or bad manners; especially when you’re on a first date. This is an important time to be making first impressions and if that first impression is rude, ignorant of abusive it doesn’t say a lot for how a relationship would go. Besides, dates are supposed to be fun and exciting, you don’t want to spend your night on edge; worrying about who your date will insult next. There really is no reason for turning this date around. Simply finish eating your meal or your drink and when you’re finished, politely ask for the bill and excuse yourself from the date.

If you find yourself on a bad date the main thing to remember is that it’s only one night, or one afternoon, or a few hours. It won’t last forever and chances are you’ll not only realise what it is you’re not looking for, but you’ll also look back and laugh your head off with your friends as you divulge all of the details.

Why not take the plunge today and sign up to You’ve Pulled. Alternatively, log in to your account and check out if you’ve got any messages waiting for you in your account.

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Unlikely Places to Pull

It’s no secret that the phenomenal growth of online dating has largely changed the way that we date – especially the way we meet those people. Of course, we all know the most obvious place to pull is You’ve Pulled; it’s fun, it’s convenient and it works! However, cupid can strike his bow at any time and sometimes it’s in the places you’re least expecting it. Read on to find out You’ve Pulled’s most unlikely places to pull…

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The supermarket – It’s that age old cliché of going to the supermarket, reaching for the same bottle of milk or box of Cornflakes, only to lock eyes with one another in isle 6 and realise that you were meant to be. Maybe you’ll think twice about popping to the shops in your jogging bottoms and hoody next time.

The gym – Ok so sweating like a pig and hanging off the treadmill is hardly the first place that springs to mind when you think about meeting your potential partner. However, at least you’ll know that your date takes pride in what they look like. Also, anyone you meet at the gym will have seen you at your worst already so things can only get better; and that, in our eyes, is always a bonus!

The office – One of the main reasons singles struggle to find the time to date is due to long work hours and hectic schedules. However, what if your love interest has been standing right in front of you the whole time – at the photocopier or by the water cooler? Dating someone you work with can be a bit tricky so just make sure you know what you’re getting yourself in to.

Public transport – There’s nothing remotely exciting about public transport. In fact, public transport really just serves a way of getting from A to B. However, while you’re going about your boring daily commute there’s plenty of other people doing exactly the same thing. So next time you’re on the platform, clutching your over-priced coffee, have a scout round the platform and see who catches your eye! You never know, your next journey could be an exciting one. Next stop, lovesville!

Walking the dog – Want to know where you can find a caring, loving and down to earth soul? Try your local park- a great place to meet fellow dog walkers and bond over your shared passion for pooches. Allow your common ground (your dogs) to play cupid and start up conversation, then take things from there. NB: Dog required!

Have you ever found love in an unlikely place? Or are there any random places that you think would be great for meeting eligible singles? We’d love to hear from you so leave us a comment below.

Alternatively, don’t leave love down to chance and sign up or log in to You’ve Pulled now and find yourself a date!

Happy Dating

The You’ve Pulled team

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Dating Pulling tips

Cliché Dating Advice

Dating comes with a whole bunch of clichéd phrases that we’ve all heard time and time again. Whether you’ve just come out of a relationship, the love interest you’ve been yearning after for longer than you can remember has moved on and settled down, or you’re 30 and still single, you’ll find that there is always someone (usually armed with a bottle of wine and two glasses) there to offer up some wise words of wisdom; so you can dust yourself off and get back on the saddle. Check out our top 5 most common pieces of advice and find out the true meaning behind them.

  • “There’s plenty more fish in the sea” – How many times have you heard this one? It’s the classic line that usually gets used just after a break up. It’s usually around the same time that you utter the words ‘yeah but I wanted that fish’.

What it means: Ok, so it might not literally be about fish but the analogy is correct. Just like fish, there’s plenty more eligible singles out there. Just because it didn’t work out with this person, doesn’t mean you won’t find love again.

 

  • “You’ll find them when you stop looking” – The technology of finding someone these days may have advanced but the advice still sends mixed messages. Are they suggesting you’re desperate? Should you cancel your online dating subscription, stop going out and sit at home waiting for your phone to ring? Of course not.

What it means: Simply put, get out there, enjoy life, let go of the pressures of finding someone and just see what happens. It also means you can keep your You’ve Pulled subscription going!

 

  • “Think positive and positive things will happen” – This phrase is probably the most ambiguous of all of the dating clichés out there. So technically, all you have to do is start thinking you’ll get a boyfriend/girlfriend and you’ll get one.

What it means: Positivity breeds positivity. Plus, things have a tendency to fall into place when you’re busy being happy.

 

  • “You’re standards are too high – Are high standards ever a bad thing? Surely it means that you know what you’re looking for in a partner and you’re not willing to settle for anything less.

What it means: Perhaps you can afford to let your barriers down a little and give someone who isn’t usually your type a go. You never know, you may fall in love with someone you weren’t expecting to.

 

  • “You were too good for him/her anyway” – This is a direct quote from anyone who has ever given advice to someone who has just gone through a breakup. It’s all well and good saying that now but why didn’t you tell me this sooner? You mean to say I’ve been wasting my time with some no-hoper for the last 2 years and you’re only telling me now?

What it means: Your friends and family love you. They think you’re fabulous. So while they may have loved your other half while you were dating, now that you’ve been dumped, they happen to think they’re a bit of an idiot for letting you go. It’s a compliment, take it!

 

We’d love to hear from you if you’ve got any other dating advice that you’ve been given time and time again. Just leave a comment in the box below.

Alternatively, if you’ve had enough of hearing friends and relatives dishing out advice, why not sign up to You’ve Pulled or log in to your account today and find someone to help you put a stop to it!

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Pulling tips

2013 Dating Resolutions

It’s that time of the year again; time to start making resolutions that will ensure the coming year is even better than the last one. If you’re stuck in a dating rut then now is the perfect time to start thinking about how you can make some positive changes to your love life this year. Here are You’ve Pulled’s top resolutions to make you a better dater in 2013.

Let go of any baggage – Don’t go into the New Year harbouring bad feelings from past relationships. We’ve all dated someone who wasn’t right for us or suffered a broken heart at some point. However, now is the time to put anything that has happened previously down to experience, and learn from it. So stop wasting time on old feelings and remember the quote, ‘love like you’ve never been hurt’.

Change your outlook – If you’ve been single for a while it can be all too easy to have a ‘poor old me’ attitude and start to question ‘what’s wrong with me’. However, just because you haven’t got a partner doesn’t mean you’re any less attractive, clever or successful than anyone else. So change your outlook from negative to positive because when you take the steps to get clear on what you want, and be the most confident (and happy) version of yourself, you will be on your way to finding that perfect person.

Take up a new hobby – If you’re passionate about something or fancy learning a new skill then the New Year is the perfect time. By taking up a new hobby or enrolling in a class you’ll not only be doing something you love, but you’ll also have the opportunity to meet lots of new people. Best of all, if you do meet anyone you’ll already have one thing in common.

Change your routine – It may sound silly but even making small changes to your daily routine could lead to new love. Think about it; if you take the same route to work every day, buy your coffee in the same shop and go to the same bars, you’re probably going to meet the same types of people. However, by making simple changes to your routine you’re effectively changing the types of people you’re coming in contact with and you never know, you might just meet the person of your dreams.

Say ‘Yes’ to more dates – Sometimes we dismiss people too easily because they haven’t got the right look, we don’t have enough things in common with them or simply because we can’t be bothered. However, if you’re serious about finding someone maybe it’s time to let go of your ‘type’, stop thinking of reasons why you can’t date someone and just say yes. The more dates you go on the more you’ll realise exactly what it is you do want. Besides, you’ll have lots of fun along the way.

Get online – If you put your love life on hold last year because you were too busy with other things then why not make this year the year for finding love. Online dating makes it so much easier to find love and arrange dates in-between your hectic schedule. You can browse, find and chat to other singles on your commute to work, on your lunch and in-between going to the gym and cooking your dinner, so there really is no excuse. What’s more, right now you can receive 50% off 1 months’ membership with offer code BRINGON2013*.

So what are you waiting for? Get the New Year off to a great start by making some dating resolutions that count. Who knows what could happen in 2013?

*Offer ends on Jan 6th 2013 at midnight. You will be re-billed at the standard price of 1 months’ membership unless you cancel your membership.

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Dating Mobile Dating Pulling tips

Tips for Successful Text Dating on Your Mobile

If your busy schedule does not allow you to have long conversations on the phone with potential dates, then you should try text dating. Text dating is a lot less time-consuming than phone dating, but it can give you the same results if it is done the right way. Here are some tips that can help you text date successfully on your mobile:

Be Different

Many people like to “play it cool” when they are talking to new friends or potential love interests, but it does not work with everybody. Playing it cool means that you are not getting straight to the point, and it can slow down the progress of relationships. Instead of doing what most people are doing, you should try to be different. If you are interested in someone, it is best that you text him or her right away. It is important that you let your potential dates know that you are keen initially, and you can play it cool after their guard is down.

Send Messages on One-for-One Basis

Try not to send more messages than you receive. If you send a message and do not receive a reply after a day or two, do not panic. Everybody has their own lives to live and things to do. The people you send messages to may be busy with work or have other important things to attend to, and they need more time to reply your messages. If you are getting more messages than you are sending out, it is a sign that things are going well.

Avoid Text-Speak

While it is common for people to use short hand when writing text messages, it is best that you use full sentences when you are communicating with your potential romantic interests. It will show that you are sincere, and you want to make sure that they get the full meaning of every message you send to them.

Get to the Point

All the text messages you send should achieve something specific. If you want to arrange a meeting with someone, you should let him or her know your intention, but try to ask in a creative way. If you send too many pointless messages, you will just end up becoming his or her text buddy.

Do Not Rush In

When you ask your potential love interests to go out on a date with you, it is not a good idea to ask them directly. Instead, ask questions that will lead to the invitation. For instance, if you want to have dinner with them, ask them to name their favorite food and suggest visiting a restaurant that serves that kind of food.

Keep Things in Context

Follow the rules and etiquette of text dating, and stay focused on your goal. Every message you send should bring you closer to the realization of that goal. Write messages that are short, fun, and sweet, and do not feel stressed over late replies. As long as your potential dates keep sending messages to you, it means that you are still on their minds, and you still have a chance to win their hearts.

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Dating

If Dating Was Like the Movies

Here at You’ve Pulled we’re suckers for a good rom-com or love story; from the classics such as Pretty Woman and Breakfast at Tiffany’s to the more modern day rom coms such as He’s Just Not That Into You and Love Actually – we’ve seen them all. However, there’s just one thing bugging us. You see, the thing about these films is that dating just isn’t like that in real life. Know how we know? Because if it was things like this would happen…
Music would play… every time you kiss.
You’d never… get food in your teeth, trip over, have bad breath, have a hair out of place, or sit through an awkward silence.
All of your dates would… take place in the coolest bar in town, on a yatch, on a rooftop, in front of the most amazing backdrop – you get the idea.
You’d meet hot singles… in the most mundane places such as the library, on the train or at your local coffee shop.
Office romances… would never be messy or awkward.
Your date would look like… Megan Fox, Angelina Jolie, Scarlet Johansson, Brad Pitt, George Clooney, Channing Tatum {insert any hot celeb name here}.
You’d kiss in the rain… not end up wet, miserable and resembling a drowned rat!
Eating a plate of spaghetti… would result in locking lips with your lover as opposed to having sauce down your chin and all over your new white top.
Your dramatic attempt at running away to start a new life… would end in your love interest chasing after you and stopping you just before you board the plane. This would, of course, be followed by a weepy round of applause from the crowd!
Your new love would… declare their love for you on a series of romantic flash cards, serenade you, buy you a new wardrobe etc.
You’d always get… the girl/guy.
You’d live… happily ever after!
Yep, dating is pretty glamorous in the movies isn’t it? *swoon*. Can you think of any rom-com clichés that don’t happen in real life?

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Pulling tips

Chat Up Lines

It seems as though chat up lines have got themselves a bad reputation over the years. In our upside down world of dating where there is no longer a dating etiquette, chat-up lines have become hugely associated with being ‘hit on’ in a bar or club by undesirable characters (we’ve all been there). The truth is though; meeting new people isn’t easy and approaching new people is even harder. What do you say? Do you introduce yourself? Do you talk about the weather? See, not that easy.

It’s a common misconception that woman hate chat up lines, but the truth is they can sometimes prove to be great ice breakers. In fact it has been found that women are more likely to fall for a man if he breaks the ice with a cheesy chat up line. The theory being that women appreciate a man with a sense of humour, and a chat-up line is a good way to display that. Having a ‘ballsy’ or confident attitude is also very attractive to the opposite sex. You see, chat-up lines are just a way of grabbing someone’s attention and showing them that you like them in a light-hearted way. And there’s no harm in that is there?

So we think it’s time to make a stand and bring back the good old chat-up line. Not the creepy type that is likely to get you slapped, but the fun and cheeky type that is likely to get you talking – if not get you a date. To get the ball rolling we’ve done a little research of our own and found some of the best, the worst, and the down-right cheesiest chat up lines. Who knows, you may even want to put some of them into practice…

The good

  • I lost my phone number, can I borrow yours?
  • Hi, I’m Mr. Right. Someone said you were looking for me.
  • You see my friend over there? He wants to know if you think I’m cute?

The bad

  • Can I have a picture of you so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas?
  • Are you a parking ticket, because you have got fine written all over you!
  • If I had one chance to rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together.

The cheesy

  • Did it hurt? When you fell out of heaven.
  • Do you believe in love at first sight … or should I walk past again?
  • The only thing your eyes haven’t told me is your name.

Ok so even the good ones are a little cheesy, but that shouldn’t stop you! Why not pick your favourite and road test it next time you see somebody you like. You might have some rejections (it happens to everyone), you will most definitely have some laughs, but best of all, you might get yourself a date!

*Warning: These chat up lines are no guarantee that you will pull.

 

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Dating Pulling tips

What Not to Say on a First Date

Last month we gave you some helpful ‘first date conversation tips’ so you’d never be stuck for something to say on a first date. However, what happens when nerves get the better of you and you let your tongue runs away with itself, perhaps having too much to say? You end up revealing too much and scaring your date off before you’ve even reached the main course that’s what! So to help make sure you keep the conversation on track here’s what not to say on a first date.

Bad mouthing your ex – This really is a no brainer but on a first date you really shouldn’t be talking about your ex. Not only is it a huge turn off but it could also suggest that you’re not quite over your previous relationship!

Financial problems- This is way too much information for a first date not to mention a major turn off. Discussing your credit card problems or your low salary is not appropriate first date chit chat. And whatever you do don’t order the most expensive thing on the menu and expect your date to pay!

You want kids and marriage ASAP – Start talking about marriage and kids on a first date and you’re only going to send off one signal – desperate! Harsh but true. Marriage and kids is something that most people see in their future but don’t get ahead of yourself and save that conversation for when things are a little more serious.

“I love you” – This one speaks for itself! Sure someone people fall in love quickly, but on a first date? If you don’t want to scare your date off completely save these three little words for a lot further down the line.

Insecurities –Sure, we all have insecurities, we’re only human after all. However, talking about them will only make you feel worse about yourself not to mention bring the mood of the date down. As bad as it sounds your date isn’t there to be your agony aunt. They’re there to find out what’s great about you!

“Can I take your picture?” – Unless you want to send your date running in the opposite direction do not say this! You might want to show your date off to your friends but this will just come across a little, well, stalker’ish. Plus, you can always see their photo on You’ve Pulled.

 

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Pulling tips

Need help starting a conversation?

So you’ve finally plucked up the courage to take your cyber romance offline and see if you can stand the test of real chemistry. Meeting someone for the first time can seem daunting, but it needn’t be. Read on to find out our top conversation starters which are guaranteed to keep the conversation flowing!

Breaking the ice –Talk about your day, talk about the weather, talk about your journey to meet your date. Although these topics may seem rather mundane they are perfect for breaking the ice. They also give you a great opportunity to suss out those all-important first impressions.

Current Affairs – What’s going on in the news? Are there any TV programmes that you are particularly into? Or what about a bit of celebrity gossip? Everyone has their own opinions on current affairs, popular culture and TV shows so it’s a great starting point and a great stepping stone to lead conversation elsewhere.

Family – Talking about each other’s families is a fairly safe and easy topic. It invites your date into your world and allows you to open up a little more.

Work –What you do, how you got into it, the good the bad. For most people work is a big part of their life so there should be plenty to talk about. Be warned though, if they hate their job you may need to steer the conversation on to something else. Perhaps…

Winning Big – What would you do if you won the lottery? Everyone loves this question because you can really let yourself get carried away and create your dream life; a pretty good insight into one another’s desires.

Films – A person’s taste in films can say a lot about their character. It’s also a great way to see if you have anything in common.

Dream Dinner Party – Ask your date who they’d invite – dead or alive – to their dream dinner party. Another great question which allows you both to get day dreamy and also gives you a good idea of the types of people you are.

Phobias – Finding out about your date’s phobias is a great way to create a bond between the two of you as it shows your vulnerable side. It can also be a great way to triggers some funny anecdotes. Plus, if one of you is scared of spiders and the other doesn’t mind catching them, well then you could be a match made in heaven!

Desert Island – Another open ended question and one that can easily lead you onto other conversations is ‘what three items would you take to a desert island’. It’s a fun way to find out what is important to your date.

People Watch – People watching is great fun and it gives you plenty to talk about. Make up stories about the other people for example, why they might be there or what their story is. The more imaginative the better and the more likely it is that you’ll get your date laughing!

Sounds so easy doesn’t it? Why not put these tips to good use next time you go on a first date and that way, you can spend less time stressing and more time impressing!